Venus Retrograde & The 8th House: A Foster Parent’s Reflection on Love, Loss, & Transformation
Eight years ago, under an entirely different Venus cycle, I opened my home to my first foster child. I knew in my heart that I would undoubtedly love whatever child we were placed with, but I did not know then how much this journey would shape me as the children who passed through my doors. Now, as Venus retrogrades through my 8th house again – the house of deep bonds, transformation, and shared resources – I find myself closing this chapter of my life with a full heart and a deeper understanding of love, loss, and the nature of true connection.
The 8th house is often associated with shared resources, but its meaning runs much deeper. It governs the spaces in life where we merge with others – emotionally, spiritually, financially, and even karmically. It is the house of deep bonds, transformation, and the things we give and receive that forever change us. In many ways, foster care fits seamlessly into this symbolism. It is not just a system of shared legal and financial responsibility, but a very real exchange of love, care, and emotional investment. The children placed in my home were never just temporary guests; each one of them became a very real part of my heart, my energy, and my life in ways that far transcend the physical. And, they always will be carried as part of my deeply treasured life story. Love, loss, and healing all exist here in the 8th house, intertwined. And perhaps nothing has shown me the power of love, surrender, and connection more than fostering.
Venus, the planet of love, relationships, and value, is now, yet again, retrograding through this house for me. Retrogrades ask us to look back, reassess, and bring closure to significant chapters of our lives. With Venus retrograde in my 8th house, I find myself revisiting the immense emotional depth that fostering required – the sacrifices, the love, and the inevitable process of letting go. This isn’t just a logistical ending; it is a moment of reflection on what fostering has meant to me on a soul and evolutionary level.
Retrogrades also reveal where our understanding of love, connection, and reciprocity has shifted. In 2017, when I first became a licensed foster care parent, my understanding of parenting, love, and the shared resource system of foster care, was radically different than it is today. I saw love as something that I could share and pour into these children, hoping to give them stability and healing. But now, eight years later, I see love as something far more complex and nuanced – something that can’t be always be measured by physical permanence but by the impact that we leave on each other’s hearts. This Venus retrograde is allowing me a beautiful gateway to process that; to honor this transformation and to decide what I choose to carry forward from this journey.
I have learned so many lessons on this path, but perhaps the most significant that stand out to me are the following:
The Transformative Power of Love
Loving a child who isn’t biologically yours, who arrives with their own history, their own fears, and their own story, teaches you something profound about love: it is not about possession, but presence. Foster care stripped love down to its most essential form – meeting the basic emotional and physical needs of a child, being fully present, and choosing to love even when you know that it is temporary. When you love with an open heart, expecting nothing in return, you become part of something far greater.
Each child who entered my home changed me in ways that I could never have predicted. I had to learn to become selfless in ways I had never been asked to be before, to sit with my heartbreak, to hold very real space for tiny souls carrying invisible (and sometimes not so invisible!) burdens. But, more than that, I learned deeply about transformation. Love isn’t just something we give – it is something that when we allow ourselves to be open and truly vulnerable, has the power to deeply reshape us, soften us, and encourages us to grow into the best versions of ourselves.
Letting Go
One of the hardest lessons of fostering, was learning to let go – of expectations, of attachment, of the belief that love alone can fix everything. When you work within the confines of a deeply flawed and imperfect system, you quickly realize that no amount of love, stability, or care can always guarantee the best outcome. You learn that justice is not always served, that safety is not always ensured, and that some endings feel heartbreakingly incomplete.
Losing a child you’ve cared for is a grief that few understand, yet foster parents navigate this heartbreak regularly. It is a lesson in surrendering to the unknown, in trusting that love was enough – even if only for a short time, to make a positive impact. Love in the 8th house asks us to accept that transformation often comes through loss. It teaches us that just because something isn’t permanent doesn’t mean it wasn’t powerful. And in that, there is a sliver of peace.
The Beauty of Connection
If there is one thing I’ve learned from the children that I’ve had the joy of having, it is that love is not about walls, bloodlines, or guarantees – it is about openness. A baby does not care who you are or what you have; they do not question whether love is safe or conditional. They simply trust. They reach for you with tiny hands, rest their head on your shoulder, cry out when they are in need, trusting that you will respond instinctively, and love with an unguarded heart.
That kind of love is a gift. It is raw, unfiltered, and pure in a way that few things in life are. And when you allow yourself to love them back with the same level of openness, it changes you. It teaches you that connection is the most beautiful, fragile, and life-altering thing that we have. It strips away the cynicism, the fear, and the barriers we build around our hearts, reminding us that the most profound transformations happen when we allow ourselves to be fully seen, fully vulnerable, and fully present.
The Value of Love in Our Own Identity
Being a foster parent shattered so many of my old beliefs about love, worth, and identity. Love, at its core, is not transactional. It is not something we earn, nor is it something we are owed. It simply exists and is a choice to give and to receive. It is available to all of us, not because we have done anything to deserve it, but because we are here.
Fostering has shown me that the scars of our past do not have to define us. Many of the children who entered my home carried deep wounds – some visible, some not. Yet, they all thrived in some new way when given safety, consistency, good nutrition, time, and love. It made me question: If they could heal, if they could grow despite all that they had been through, why couldn’t I? The 8th house is a space of deep psychological transformation and through this experience, I’ve learned that healing is not only possible, but necessary.
I’ve also learned that family is not defined by DNA, but by choice. It is built in the quiet moments – bedtime stories, shared meals, inside jokes, and whispered reassurances in the dark. Love is what makes a family, not paperwork, not names, not even time. And yet, the world often struggles to see past labels. I’ve witnessed firsthand the biases, the limitations imposed by ignorance- people who believed certain children weren’t investing in, saw them as broken, troublesome, less than in some way, or not worth the time to invest in connection. The looks that were given if one child looked obviously unrelated, acted out when triggered by an invisible trauma they knew nothing of, or showed emotional immaturity far beneath their biological age due to stunted emotional growth from trauma or neglect. Often, just the mention of “foster child” resulted in a change of demeanor and body language in other parents I interacted with – to the point that, with time, I stopped sharing my story openly to avoid the judgement and bias. Every single child who walked through my door shattered these stigmas, time and time again.
This Venus retrograde is asking me to re-evaluate what love has taught me about myself, about others, and about what truly matters. It is reminding me that love is the greatest resource we have to give, and the only one that multiples when shared. It has taught me that the greatest transformation only happens when we meet another with an open, vulnerable heart, devoid of expectation or return. And it has taught me deeply about the sacrificial and humble nature of true love and devotion. Obviously, these lessons translate differently in different types of healthy relationships. But, the essence of the lessons remains the same. And the integration of them allows for a greater, deeper, and more transformed understanding of love in its purest forms.
We all share pieces of ourselves with others – through relationships, caregiving, mentorship, and love in its many forms. What relationships or experiences in your life have shaped your understanding of love and shared responsibility? Venus retrograde is the perfect time to reflect. I’d love to hear your thoughts – drop a comment or share your own reflections on love, letting go, and transformation.
