Venus Retrograde & The 8th House: A Foster Parent’s Reflection on Love, Loss, & Transformation

Eight years ago, under an entirely different Venus cycle, I opened my home to my first foster child.  I knew in my heart that I would undoubtedly love whatever child we were placed with, but I did not know then how much this journey would shape me as the children who passed through my doors.  Now, as Venus retrogrades through my 8th house again – the house of deep bonds, transformation, and shared resources – I find myself closing this chapter of my life with a full heart and a deeper understanding of love, loss, and the nature of true connection.

The 8th house is often associated with shared resources, but its meaning runs much deeper.  It governs the spaces in life where we merge with others – emotionally, spiritually, financially, and even karmically.  It is the house of deep bonds, transformation, and the things we give and receive that forever change us.  In many ways, foster care fits seamlessly into this symbolism.  It is not just a system of shared legal and financial responsibility, but a very real exchange of love, care, and emotional investment.  The children placed in my home were never just temporary guests; each one of them became a very real part of my heart, my energy, and my life in ways that far transcend the physical.  And, they always will be carried as part of my deeply treasured life story.  Love, loss, and healing all exist here in the 8th house, intertwined.  And perhaps nothing has shown me the power of love, surrender, and connection more than fostering.

Venus, the planet of love, relationships, and value, is now, yet again, retrograding through this house for me.  Retrogrades ask us to look back, reassess, and bring closure to significant chapters of our lives.  With Venus retrograde in my 8th house, I find myself revisiting the immense emotional depth that fostering required – the sacrifices, the love, and the inevitable process of letting go.  This isn’t just a logistical ending; it is a moment of reflection on what fostering has meant to me on a soul and evolutionary level.

Retrogrades also reveal where our understanding of love, connection, and reciprocity has shifted.  In 2017, when I first became a licensed foster care parent, my understanding of parenting, love, and the shared resource system of foster care, was radically different than it is today.  I saw love as something that I could share and pour into these children, hoping to give them stability and healing.  But now, eight years later, I see love as something far more complex and nuanced – something that can’t be always be measured by physical permanence but by the impact that we leave on each other’s hearts.  This Venus retrograde is allowing me a beautiful gateway to process that; to honor this transformation and to decide what I choose to carry forward from this journey. 

I have learned so many lessons on this path, but perhaps the most significant that stand out to me are the following:

The Transformative Power of Love

Loving a child who isn’t biologically yours, who arrives with their own history, their own fears, and their own story, teaches you something profound about love: it is not about possession, but presence.  Foster care stripped love down to its most essential form – meeting the basic emotional and physical needs of a child, being fully present, and choosing to love even when you know that it is temporary.  When you love with an open heart, expecting nothing in return, you become part of something far greater.

Each child who entered my home changed me in ways that I could never have predicted.  I had to learn to become selfless in ways I had never been asked to be before, to sit with my heartbreak, to hold very real space for tiny souls carrying invisible (and sometimes not so invisible!) burdens.  But, more than that, I learned deeply about transformation.  Love isn’t just something we give – it is something that when we allow ourselves to be open and truly vulnerable, has the power to deeply reshape us, soften us, and encourages us to grow into the best versions of ourselves. 

Letting Go 

One of the hardest lessons of fostering, was learning to let go – of expectations, of attachment, of the belief that love alone can fix everything.  When you work within the confines of a deeply flawed and imperfect system, you quickly realize that no amount of love, stability, or care can always guarantee the best outcome.  You learn that justice is not always served, that safety is not always ensured, and that some endings feel heartbreakingly incomplete. 

Losing a child you’ve cared for is a grief that few understand, yet foster parents navigate this heartbreak regularly.  It is a lesson in surrendering to the unknown, in trusting that love was enough – even if only for a short time, to make a positive impact.  Love in the 8th house asks us to accept that transformation often comes through loss.  It teaches us that just because something isn’t permanent doesn’t mean it wasn’t powerful.  And in that, there is a sliver of peace.

The Beauty of Connection

If there is one thing I’ve learned from the children that I’ve had the joy of having, it is that love is not about walls, bloodlines, or guarantees – it is about openness.  A baby does not care who you are or what you have; they do not question whether love is safe or conditional.  They simply trust.  They reach for you with tiny hands, rest their head on your shoulder, cry out when they are in need, trusting that you will respond instinctively, and love with an unguarded heart.

That kind of love is a gift.  It is raw, unfiltered, and pure in a way that few things in life are.  And when you allow yourself to love them back with the same level of openness, it changes you.  It teaches you that connection is the most beautiful, fragile, and life-altering thing that we have.  It strips away the cynicism, the fear, and the barriers we build around our hearts, reminding us that the most profound transformations happen when we allow ourselves to be fully seen, fully vulnerable, and fully present.

The Value of Love in Our Own Identity

Being a foster parent shattered so many of my old beliefs about love, worth, and identity.  Love, at its core, is not transactional.  It is not something we earn, nor is it something we are owed.  It simply exists and is a choice to give and to receive.  It is available to all of us, not because we have done anything to deserve it, but because we are here.

Fostering has shown me that the scars of our past do not have to define us.  Many of the children who entered my home carried deep wounds – some visible, some not.  Yet, they all thrived in some new way when given safety, consistency, good nutrition, time, and love.  It made me question: If they could heal, if they could grow despite all that they had been through, why couldn’t I?  The 8th house is a space of deep psychological transformation and through this experience, I’ve learned that healing is not only possible, but necessary. 

I’ve also learned that family is not defined by DNA, but by choice.  It is built in the quiet moments – bedtime stories, shared meals, inside jokes, and whispered reassurances in the dark.  Love is what makes a family, not paperwork, not names, not even time.  And yet, the world often struggles to see past labels.  I’ve witnessed firsthand the biases, the limitations imposed by ignorance- people who believed certain children weren’t investing in, saw them as broken, troublesome, less than in some way, or not worth the time to invest in connection.  The looks that were given if one child looked obviously unrelated, acted out when triggered by an invisible trauma they knew nothing of, or showed emotional immaturity far beneath their biological age due to stunted emotional growth from trauma or neglect.  Often, just the mention of “foster child” resulted in a change of demeanor and body language in other parents I interacted with – to the point that, with time, I stopped sharing my story openly to avoid the judgement and bias.  Every single child who walked through my door shattered these stigmas, time and time again.

This Venus retrograde is asking me to re-evaluate what love has taught me about myself, about others, and about what truly matters.  It is reminding me that love is the greatest resource we have to give, and the only one that multiples when shared.  It has taught me that the greatest transformation only happens when we meet another with an open, vulnerable heart, devoid of expectation or return.  And it has taught me deeply about the sacrificial and humble nature of true love and devotion.  Obviously, these lessons translate differently in different types of healthy relationships.  But, the essence of the lessons remains the same.  And the integration of them allows for a greater, deeper, and more transformed understanding of love in its purest forms.

We all share pieces of ourselves with others – through relationships, caregiving, mentorship, and love in its many forms.  What relationships or experiences in your life have shaped your understanding of love and shared responsibility?  Venus retrograde is the perfect time to reflect.  I’d love to hear your thoughts – drop a comment or share your own reflections on love, letting go, and transformation. 

Full Moon in Cancer - 1/13/2025

The full moon occurs at 24 degrees of Cancer on Monday, January 13th, at 5:26pm EST. This moon carries some magick with it and will be potent. The lunar nodes change signs just two days earlier and this full moon is beginning a story that will unfold through 2027.

Aspects:

• Opposes the Sun and Pallas Athena in Capricorn & Pluto in Aquarius

• Conjunct Mars (still retrograde!) in Cancer

• Sextile Uranus in Taurus & the South Node in Virgo

• T-Square with Aries Stellium - Chiron, Eris, Hygiea squaring the Moon

• Trine Neptune & the North Node in Pisces, Juno in Scorpio, & Astraea in Sagittarius

The last Gemini Full Moon came to help each of us tell and begin to live a new life story. Then, to set the tone for our year ahead and move us into deeper purpose & potential, was the Capricorn New Moon, offering us action oriented and supportive energy to achieve our goals. Now, to illuminate our way forward is the Cancer Full Moon.

The moon is at home in her ruling planet of Cancer. As the cardinal sign of water, Cancer carries profound potency. This full moon is calling us home and asking you to begin from a place of well nourished rest, introspection, connection, and deep grounding. Only from a place of deep authenticity and owning all parts of yourself in love and complete acceptance, are you able to fully tap into the innate wisdom of your soul’s calling, connection and purpose, and fully co-create the reality ahead that you wish to bring in.

The nodes which have just changed signs are prominently supporting this full moon in sextile and trine, echoing the affirmation that this begins a new chapter in the story of our lives. The deep water of Cancer & Pisces encourages us to lean into stillness, our deep, innate inner wisdom and connect with our Higher Selves & purpose. To truly sit in surrender and flow. While the South Node in Virgo, encourages us to move past any blocks that may delay this connection: overthinking, worry, perfectionism, and control. The North Node in Pisces asks us to lean into full trust of our divine intuition, faith, and fully trust and surrender to divine timing. And, to embrace unconditional love, forgiveness, and interconnectedness.

With Chiron in Aries, we are also being asked to heal wounds of unworthiness. In other words, releasing a need to look outside of ourselves for approval, validation, or anything else external that you may be using to fill a void of feeling “enough”. The Moon in Cancer reminds us that this fulfillment will only come from being deeply grounded, loved, and at home, within yourself. Nothing external will ever fill your void of self worth and love, but you. And as you accept this and journey fully back home to yourself, fiercely embracing your own love and worth, only then will you see that you no longer seek as much from the outside world and that all you need, has, and will always be, found within you.

One of the most magical aspects of this Full Moon is that she squares Chiron at 19 degrees of Aries. This is the exact same degree point of the total solar eclipse on April 8, 2024, in which Chiron was conjunct. This offers us a huge opportunity to close old stories and heal old wounds and patterning. It asks us to get really curious and reflect back to themes of self worth. Where have you been living from your worth wounds and playing small? Where have you been allowing stories of not being good enough or limiting beliefs hold you back from achieving your wildest dreams?

Chiron is also conjunct the dwarf planet Eris & asteroid Hygiea and creates a T-Square with the Sun/Pluto and Moon offering a powerful opportunity for deep self healing and stepping into your power. At the heart of this tense aspect is a profound healing medicine. The breaking of old patterns. Eris, who was said to cause the Trojan War out of rage that she was always relegated to outsider status, is standing arm in arm in a conjunct aspect with Hygiea and Chiron - the two most potent healers of the zodiac and Greek pantheon. Let Eris show you boldly where your soul purpose lies and what patterns need to be released for you to advance on your path. These energies call you into deep forgiveness, healing, and empowerment.

Another magical thread forms as this Full Moon creates a sextile to the exact degree point of the Virgo Full Moon Lunar Eclipse that will happen on March 14, 2025. What we begin now, will be transformatively affected to this first eclipse in Spring and continue through 2027.

So, how are you becoming your own safe space and sanctuary? How are you nurturing your inner child and yourself today, this full moon, and every day? Unless we come from a place of wholeness, we cannot operate at our fullest potential. Not in relationship, not in work and service, and not in connection with our gifts and with ourselves.

We are being asked this year to live fully guided by our intuition and the Universe. Following the signs, synchronicities, and fully trusting our soul to lead the way. Our main motivating force for this year is spiritual awakening and commitment to our spiritual practices and soul growth - truly finding and stepping into our soul mission. As the Moon opposes Pluto (in an out of sign conjunction) this could not be more loud and clear. Pluto is about to spend his first full year in Aquarius since 1779 and is breaking the chains of patriarchal injustice and bringing the power back to the people. He is reminding us of who we truly are - powerful co-creators, having a human experience. Pay close attention to where you give your power away and live from the outside in. This Full Moon is calling for you to anchor in your own essence, truth, and soul, and to remember that the outside world is a direct reflection of our own inner world. It is a powerful call home to yourself, your sovereignty, and to fully claim what you desire, living in a way that is true to who you are and who you are here to embody.

To help us with this is Uranus, who is sextile to this full moon, shaking the foundations of your life and asking you to free yourself from anywhere that you aren’t fully free to be all of yourself. It is our wake-up call to action, to be authentic and ensure we are in alignment in our life, no longer playing small. In true Uranian energy, you may find yourself pushed along your path, needing to leap out of your comfort zone, face up to things you have been avoiding, or accept challenges that you’ve not felt quite ready for. 2025 is a year of true soul growth, expansion, and evolution, calling us to remember who we are and why we are here. Neptune’s trine helps to further support this, connecting us to our soul, with divine and deep spiritual connection. Allow yourself to trust and be guided to where you need to be. Surrender to your soul and know that you are part of something much greater- always being supported and guided along your path.

Cancer, the cardinal water sign, helps us to generate the water within ourselves. Our water element is what helps us to heal, connect with Spirits, and replenish and nourish our soul. It reminds us that we are both soft and fierce. It also teaches us the magic of flow and soft change. Just as the ocean gently molds the shoreline, we too can shape our own lives if we are willing to be patient. There will be times in our lives when this soft flow is needed, and times we tap into our fire, blazing in swift change with a crash. Both of these energies are beautiful in their own right and both are necessary at different chapters of our life as we carve our own place in the world.

Cancer is represented by the crab, who uses their hard shell to keep all of their emotions contained and close to heart. The challenge that Cancer carries is to explore vulnerability - the willingness to acknowledge that life is meant to be lived, enjoyed in full, and not always be hidden. That, to grow, means to put yourself out there and take risks at times. As the crab leaves the safety of his own shell to grow into a new one, he is exposed to elements that force him to rely on surviving through intuition and instinct alone. Just as the crab evolves through times of transition, so do you, even if they make you feel vulnerable or afraid. The silver lining of uncertainty is that it gives you no choice but to trust and rely upon your own inner knowledge and power. The lesson showing us that empowerment can often come through being vulnerable. So, this Full Moon, consider if you, like the crab, need to leave your old shell full of patterns, safety, and limitations for a new shell, capable of holding your new expansive self. Are fears - of the unknown or other - holding you back from taking a leap of faith in a new direction or allowing yourself to grow? Feel into what transformation is calling to you. Allow yourself to process all the emotions it brings so that you can take the steps you need to fully evolve next year.

This Full Moon will magnify your intuition as well as your emotions. Cancer teaches us that the two go hand in hand. You cannot access your deep inner wisdom without feeling your way there. If you shut yourself off from feeling or suppress your emotions, your intuition is also lost. Let the moon bring forth inner knowledge that you know, without hesitation, is your truth. For this, brings out your magick.

Lastly, I want to talk about the Cancer/Capricorn Polarity axis because these are the energies we are feeling and tuning into this Full Moon. The sun still being in Capricorn and the moon sitting in her glory, in Cancer. These two zodiacal archetypes oppose each other and have different rulers - Cancer being ruled by the Moon, and Capricorn, ruled by Saturn. This is the axis of structure - of learning to dance between the dualities of interdependence and self-sufficiency which often play out like a theme of inner emotional security vs. external achievement. Cancer, rules our emotions, our care, and nurturance, reflecting our deep need to feel safe and supported by others. Cancer also emphasizes the need for interdependence - our ability to connect emotionally and build relationships that foster belonging and mutual care. It is what allows us to build and nurture a family, or cultivate our own deep, internal “home”. Cancer teaches us to embrace vulnerability as a strength, showing us that needing others isn’t a weakness and reminding us that we are all innately hard wired for relationship and connection. Cancer, perhaps more than any other zodiacal sign, also helps us to understand the cyclical ebb-and-flow nature of life and our emotions. She is the wisdom keeper of our emotional body and helps us unlock the keys to that gift. At its best, Cancer teaches us that interdependence - forming authentic bonds and seeking support - is a fundamental part of the human experience and reminds us to trust in others. Capricorn is the polarity opposite and embodies structure and self-sufficiency. Ruled by Saturn, Capricorn symbolizes ambition, discipline, and responsibility, and is focused on self-sufficiency and drive. Capricorns thrive in environments that reward hard work and determination and seek to build a legacy through concrete achievements. It teaches us to take personal responsibility for our own success and security and to create healthy boundaries that protect our containers, independence, and autonomy. Capricorn also teaches to cultivate the gifts of resilience and endurance which are critical to weather life challenges without falling out of balance and into unhealthy patterns of reliance on others. The duality of the axis again dancing between the need for deep emotional connection vs. practical ambition, nurturing vs. material provision, healthy dependence vs. independence, and the wealth of both inner and outer success. Together these energies challenge us to learn when to rely on others and ask for help and when to lean into our own internal drive and rely upon ourselves. They teach us that both types of care (emotional nurturing and material and structural provisions) are valuable and that balance is key. Overemphasis on one vs. the other (ie. unhealthy codependency vs. emotional neglect) creates imbalance. And it teaches the importance of cultivating deep emotional wisdom and intuition as well as the need to remain grounded, practical, and emotionally restrained to achieve our material goals. Learning to cultivate a balance upon this axis is key to success in life. Cancer calls us to dive deep under our shell, get real, and cultivate our own self love and security instead of relying upon, and seeking it, within others. It calls us to recognize when nurturing becomes enabling and teaches us to set healthy boundaries. Capricorn teaches us the need to develop emotional awareness, resilience, and allow ourselves to become vulnerable, even while striving for independence. It pushes to really understand the concept that developing emotional support does not diminish our own strength, but instead can strengthen our vessel for success. This axis ultimately guides us to embody and integrate these dualities and finely balance them within us, creating a life that honors both energies and provides us with the skills for ultimate fulfillment and success.

Journal Reflections:

• Think about what makes you feel safe and supported. What are the cues that let you know you are safe to let down your exterior walls, soften, and feel safe and secure? What does emotional security mean to you and how can you cultivate this in your life?

• What is your own internal “home” frequency (ie. love, peace, gratitude, contentment, etc)? What self care practices can you create to return back to this frequency no matter what happens throughout your day? What will bring you back to yourself and your intuition? Decide how you want to feel this Full Moon, and commit to feeling that way each day as you flow with the curveballs of life.

• What emotions have I been ignoring? How can I honor and release those today?

• How do I balance caring for others vs. taking care of my own needs?

• What family dynamics or ancestral patterns are you ready to heal & release this Full Moon?

• Where are you overly self-reliant and how can you allow others to support you? In what ways do you lean too heavily on others for emotional support and how can you bring balance to this dynamic? In what ways can you nourish your inner child?

• How can you release old fears or insecurities to make space for deeper emotional fulfillment?

• What intentions can you set to nurture yourself and others more deeply in the coming weeks?

• What blessings in your life fill you with profound gratitude?